I'm gearing up for the 2012 all-drug olympics. 1500m is too short of a swim for me to fully display my awesome tolerance for performance-enhancing drugs. We'll have to get at least a 10k freestyle event added. I'm going to inject so much EPO my blood will be the consistency of a slurpee!
After Mark Spitz recovers from exhaustion due to pretending to be a decent human being for two weeks in a row, he'll be moving to London to train with my team. We've got unlimited testosterone patches, epo, steroids, asthma medicine, cialis, metamucil, ursine growth hormone, caulk, retin-A, and froot loops on tap, all for less than Darra Torres's annual budget for 2 coaches, 2 "stretchers", 2 masseuses, and 1 chiropractor. We'll be self-coached but are looking for a full-time dermatologist to deal with the acne, rashes, and needle marks.
Michael Phelps is on SNL tonight. During the lame "musical guest" I had to show Traci the fire-breathing Phelps... "ursine growth hormone, caulk" ... Bears ARE #1 on the Threat Down
ReplyDeletehttp://justjoep.blogspot.com/2008/09/by-2010-well-be-safe-from-polar-bears.html
Be afraid... be very afraid.
Caulk... LMFAO