Little Drummer Boy

Not only is this an excruciating song to have to listen to, but the idiocy of the premise never fully struck me until now. What kind of psychopath thinks it's a good idea to start tapping out paradiddles for a newborn? Try this: borrow someone from the drumline of your nearest marching band and send them to the mother of a newborn, with snare and sticks. See how well that works out. It's hard to imagine anything worse. Maybe "Little Smoker Boy", who gives the baby the gift of secondhand smoke (instead of tears of shock and deafness)? I smoked my best for him pa-puff-puff-puff-puff....