01 May 2009

Zombie Healthcare: Prevention vs. Symptomatic Treatment

Traditionally, the treatment of the zombie problem has focused on both prevention (e.g. "avoid getting bitten") and after-the-fact symptomatic treatment (e.g. "shoot patient in head with shotgun"). While this seems a thorough, two-pronged approach, there is a notable gap in the medical literature on prevention, specifically prevention during the post-death, pre-zombie phase. I've searched pubmed but come up empty-handed. For now, in the absence of rigorous studies, I suggest we launch a public health campaign aimed at education/awareness using our best guesses at effective treatment. The focus of this would be "What To Do If You're Dead", and would cover the short but crucial period in between becoming dead and becoming undead. Motility Addiction is real and very hard to overcome, even post-death (e.g. when given the opportunity to indulge in motility by virtue of external forces such as zombieness). We urgently need a campaign to counteract this impulse by reminding people "if you find yourself dead, please remain so". I'm sure our creative types can come up with catchy phrases and jingles to drive this point home.

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