eBailout

I have some more great ideas about how to use public funds to bolster the economy.

1. Treasury promises to meet the reserve on every item listed on ebay. The inability to move undervalued secondhand goods is crippling our economy. Once private owners get these items off of our books, our balance sheets will look much better.
2. Treasury will buy up soup overstock. Everybody loves soup. Lack of turnover impacts (ahem) liquidity in the soup offerings. Guaranteed soup repurchase will encourage restaurant creativity and menu changes, stimulating custom and getting the "stay at home and eat catfood" crowd back on the path of helpful consumer spending.
3. Treasury will fund professional sports stadiums. Too many sports stadiums are funded by cities and states. It is excellent that these privately-owned, profitable franchises are receiving direct public benefit, but why at only the local level? Federal public monies should do their fair share to help the sports industry, too.
4. Hank Paulson will reglaze my windows. They're getting a bit shabby. I'll paint them, but I expect the feds to repurchase if I buy too much paint.
5. Treasury will buyout distressed 401k investment choices. My retirement balance sheet is looking better already.
6. Houses for Polar Bears. When fed helicopters are not busy dropping money onto wall street, they will be used to airlift foreclosed homes to the arctic circle.